Stress Of Avoiding My Dragons

I found that I could finally focus on my health, because I no longer had other things that I was avoiding popping up and distracting me. I no longer felt split and as a consequence unable to decide what to do.

Sun Oct 17, 2021

The stress of avoiding paying attention to parts of myself is real.

The stress of avoiding paying attention to parts of myself is real. My health has suffered, my relationships have suffered and my ability to give to those I care about has been impaired. Almost two years ago I reached a point where I was at a crossroads. I had to decide that facing my fears, which felt monumental, was worth the cost. I’m here to say that I’ve never been this in tune with myself and I love who I’ve become. Until I addressed my fears that felt like dragons, I could not take care of myself or those around me. I’m still working on my little and big dragons as they arise. But I can do that pretty quickly, most of the time.

How did I face everything I was avoiding? I kept a notebook and pencil with me. I wrote everything down that I had been avoiding for years. Everything that was tapping me on the head periodically and saying pay attention to me. I then asked myself, what is my next step? Most of the time the answer was, not right now. The bigger things I was avoiding doing, I accomplished and found that it ended up being easy to do. My huge dragons were actually very small dragons, or even non-existent fluff! I need to continue writing and working through, primarily, emotionally driven experiences. My upbringing and raising my special needs daughter led me to block my emotions. I’ve spent the last nine years working through my emotional blocks. I’ve come a long way. These emotional blocks, led me to block thinking about other hard things and even following through with hard things that were not pressing or immediate.

It wasn’t until I started working through my dragons that I finally started putting in regular work on my health. Which consisted of a ton of research. The doctors weren’t figuring out what was wrong with my respiratory tract, so I needed to take change of my own health.

I found that I could finally focus on my health, because I no longer had other things that I was avoiding popping up and distracting me. I no longer felt split and as a consequence unable to decide what to do.

It’s so freeing to no longer have dragons at my back!


Emily Boudwin
Facing what I've avoided seeing has made me who I am today!